I have been doing a lot of reading on the subject of NEC, in the hope that understanding this disease will help me to better accept this loss. As it turns out NEC is not a simple matter. Its etiology is much debated, for example; and understanding its pathology means delving into some very new territory for me. When my mother's suspected "spinal stenosis" turned into a diagnosis of the motor neuron disease, ALS, I did the same. I learned about neurons, synapses, glutamate, neurotransmitters, denervation, fasciculations and atrophy. I read everything I could about ALS, its detection, diagnosis, etc., and the efforts to find a treatment. I always felt that allowed me to better accept my mother's fate by giving me a sense of control over what was happening, even though I, in fact, had no control.

Today I happened to meet a young woman from Chicago who was in Toronto attending a Pediatrics Conference. She was with some of her colleagues headed back to the U.S. when I ran into her. I noticed the telltale "PAS" (Pediatrics Academic Societies) logo on her bag and mentioned to her while spending the past week in the NICU, I heard that some of the nurses and physicians were attending various sessions of that conference. We got to talking and eventually I told her about Pearl. It turned out that this woman had been at the conference specifically to present her research on NEC~! I chatted with her briefly—just long enough to reduce one of the physicians accompanying her to tears—but as she had a plane to catch I simply took her name (Jeanette Hoenig?) and told her that I'd track down her paper. Maybe there is still something more I can learn about this disease that will help me understand why I lost Pearl so suddenly. I feel so helpless, especially as all the physicians tell me that it is the killer they don't yet understand, can seldom predict in enough time to mount much of a defense, and, consequently, can rarely defeat. Not very encouraging for all the other babies out there with immature intestinal tissue.